Three Years

I've been spending the past couple of hours reading through old blog posts of mine and it's truly amazing to me. I look at all of these times that I thought my life was over. That I thought that I was down in the dumps and still held on to hope that things would work out. The positivity always works out. And that's the driving factor through life, isn't it? Knowing that no matter what, everything will work out. Everything always works out.

Lately, I've been very much into letting go. Letting go of worries about what's happened and what's to come and what people are saying about me and my life. Letting go of the fear of failure because as long as I'm afraid of failure, I will never have the success that i've been working toward for my entire life. Letting go of the thought that my life isn't on time and on track because it's not following the plan that a small town in the south has pre selected for me. And as someone who hates to not be in control, that's a terrifying thing to do. Getting hands off with my own life and working hard toward my dreams and goals and letting everything else fall behind wherever it may has been insane for me.

And that's okay.

I've realized recently that I want more, or less, depending on how you look at it. If you had asked me at 15 what my biggest dream was I would have told you that it would have been to have a tiny studio apartment in a city and to travel so much that no one could keep up with me. At 18, it would have been a corner office with the same sweeping city views. And i'm slowly coming back to that. Between leaving Auburn and losing friends and losing myself, I had lost sight of my dreams. I had made myself believe that I didn't want more than what this place could offer me. And that's not it at all. I was just terrified of wanting more and getting denied it. But fall down seven times, stand up eight, right?

So I guess the point of this ramble that it's okay to detour. It's amazing to me that the three years of writing and thoughts that this blog holds have all led me to this moment. Back into the room that I wrote about packing up, writing about the same fears, failures, and dreams. Life will always come full circle and deposit you back exactly where you're supposed to be. And it will put you back exactly on the road that you're supposed to be on. And that is both beautiful and terrifying. At any given moment you are exactly where you're supposed to be in your story, whether you like it or not. So turn the page. Keep living. The endings are always happy.