9 months ago I moved into Maria Glenn Hall naive, excited, and 15 pounds lighter than I am today. Today I hugged my roommate goodbye and for the first time all year sat in my empty dorm room. All of our personal touches and cozy additions are gone. It's just me, a MacBook, and a box of cheez-it's (okay that's an exaggeration, but those are the essentials). I've spent the past few minutes reflecting on this year and all of the emotions from it hit me faster than I could ever imagine. Auburn has nurtured me and taught me in so many more ways than academically this year. I will never, ever be able to fully put into words the transformation that has happened in me this year or all of the lessons that I have learned. However, being the writer at heart that I am, i'm darn sure going to try.
You've got to keep going.
I was taught this by a few really, really good friends of mine. You will get hurt. You will get kicked to the ground and picked back up only to be kicked again. And you will want to give up. You will shut everyone out and start to self-destruct. But if I've learned anything this year, it's that life goes on and so do you. In my case, I just had to realize that sometimes I'm a little (lot) bit dramatic and I way overthink things. You've got to let it go and move on with your life. There are better and brighter days ahead and you'll forget about all of the hurt.
Sometimes, all you need is your mom (or dad or whoever).
You're going to have those days where you cry while you're walking home from your geology class (side note: GEOLOGY ISN'T ROCKS FOR JOCKS IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY HARD OKAY) where all you want to do is talk to your parents. Call them. I promise, just hearing a loved one's voice is enough to help you get through a dark time. And if you're me and take every breakdown to extremes, some good quality time with your parents will completely change you. A trip home will completely refresh your outlook and get you reenergized, which leads me to....
SLEEP.
You will lose your mind if you don't. Just trust me.
It's okay to change. It's okay to drift from people. You shouldn't have to apologize. But you should explain.
Friends come and go, especially as a freshman. It's the age old tale of latching on to some of the first people that you meet because you're all just starting out. You all want friends and a social life. And you WILL have some of the best (and most embarrassing) memories of your year with these people. Whether it's late night runs to McDonald's or that unfortunate time on the front steps of your dorm or that time they LEFT YOU ACROSS TOWN (I'm still salty @samantha @andrew. Kidding. Kind of.) you will look back on these fondly and laugh for a while to come. But as the year goes on, you'll all make new friends and find yourselves and branch off. If you're the result of someone drifting from you, it can hurt. It can make you mad. It can upset you. Until you realize that you've been doing the same thing to someone else... You're allowed to make new friends. You're allowed to slowly transition some people out of your life. But do it like a good friend of mine did. Explain yourself and your reasons. Don't just shut someone out for no reason. They may not understand at first, but I promise, it will all come together for the better.
Boys/relationships/whatever aren't important. Like at all.
I don't even know if I have the accurate amount of words to stress this. Don't let a boy make you cry. Don't think that you know someone because you've known them for two weeks. This year, I found myself and it took a lot of alone time and soul searching. To be honest, I don't think I would be at the place emotionally that I am today if I had been dating someone. But on that same note, I would be so much further along if I hadn't worried about trying to date someone. You have 4 years and all of your life beyond that. Give it time. God has a plan.
Ask for help when you need it. Don't be embarrassed.
If you're struggling, tell someone. Get help. I cannot stress this enough. Do not let it build up and do not try to self-medicate. There are so many people who will rush to get you whatever help that you need, you've just got to take that brave first step and ask.
Finally, make mistakes. Live your life. Make memories. Regret nothing.
Go to that social even though you don't have a date, you'll have more fun getting dressed up and dancing with your sisters anyway. Go on a milkshake run at 1AM just because. Get a study room in the library with your friends and laugh a little bit more than you should. Take the spontaneous road trip for doughnuts. Go get pizza in your pajamas when your friends call you at 9:30. Cry when you need to. Laugh when you're happy. Love every moment of your life and take it all in. Before you know it, you'll be sitting in an empty dorm room, wondering where the time went.
"I look around myself wildly, my heart bursting with grief and fear and joy. I am leaving, but I will take this place and its stories with me wherever I go." - Jennifer Donnelly
